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“Is it wrong to be in a relationship?”
“It is Allah who made us in love, not us; are we to be blamed?”
“If I don’t have an intimate relationship with her, how will I know my future wife?”
These are typical answers claimed by many people as an excuse to legalize their so called love out of the wedlock. Sadly, majority of us are implementing it.
These excuses are left unanswered. The truth is still hidden from them. Whether being in a relationship out of the wedlock is haram orhalal? Who is going to make them understand that what they are doing is wrong? Their parents? Friends?
For those who are close with the Quran and Sunnah, you are so close to the truth. But for those who favour ‘scholarly’ opinions from entertainment magazines, romance movies or music videos, you are so deep in the darkness of ignorance.
The Quran and Sunnah are two substances for us to shape our personality, route map for our life’s road journey and as a shield detaining ourselves from being influenced by the tempting and seducing worldly pleasures.
“I leave behind me two things, the QURAN and my example, the SUNNAH and if you follow these you will never go astray”
(Narrated by Imam Malik)
But why, with the Quran and Sunnah present alongside our life, we still claim there is a Love Greater that Allah’s love? Who is to be blamed? Is it the Quran and Sunnah or ourselves?
Shirk in love
Have you ever heard about shirk? Shirk refers to assigning a partner or partners with Allah in whatever form it may take, and it is the opposite of worshipping Allah alone.
This act of associating partners with Allah is (one of) the most dangerous sins in which a Muslin can be involved. In fact, if someone dies in such a state, then he/she will not be forgive Allah protect us from all types of shirk. About shirk Allah, the Most High said:
“Indeed Allah does not forgive shirk (that you associate any partners with Him), but He forgives other than that to whom He pleases.” [An Nisaa 4:48]
So shirk; the King of all sins, the most expensive sin has also its empire in the practices of love. How can this happen? Easily said, two persons are madly in love, when are performing solah, who will they remember most, Allah or their couple? By feeling a love greater than Allah’s love or in other sense, remembering other than Allah when it is the specific time we are supposed to remember Him isshirk!
If we accept a love greater that Allah’s love as our main love, Allah has revealed to us this verse:
“And [yet], among the people are those who take other than Allah as equals [to Him]. They love them as they [should] love Allah . But those who believe are stronger in love for Allah . And if only they who have wronged would consider [that] when they see the punishment, [they will be certain] that all power belongs to Allah and that Allah is severe in punishment.” [Al-Baqarah: 165]
Who are we to have an affair with Allah? Do we think that Allah doesn’t know that we are in love more in another entity? Is love towards another human our mission in life? Have we forgotten that it has been Allah’s rahmah that we have been longing for in our life? It should be like this, when our love towards Allah is getting greater and greater, our love towards others will become smaller and smaller. No human love can give an equivalent value that Allah has given to us.We always claim
“Love makes the world go round, love heals all wounds”
in our everyday lives. If we don’t say it, we practice it. But no, only Allah and only Him can make the world go round because only Allah can make the earth spin on its axis, can human do it? Only Allah can close an open wound or cure a cancer, can any doctor do it?
O heart! Let us fear the concealed shirk in love!
O heart! Please be sensitive! I don’t want to be the owner of a black dark heart!
O heart! Please be sensitive! I don’t want to be the owner of a black dark heart!
“But I love his/her so so much!”
It’s not that Allah does not know that you are always thinking about his/her. It’s not that Allah is not aware that you are missing his/her. It’s not that Allah does not understand that you are always imagining the precious moments together with his. This is fitrah. But everyfitrah comes with laws governing them. Why? So that your life flows in accordance to His law.
How to overcome this test? So that this fitrah does not turn into fitnah but obtain barakah instead. What must you do?
Ask yourself;
are you ready to give a commitment to her? Have you prepared yourself? Mentally and physically? How is your monthly salary? Is it adequate to buy her clothes, shelter and food? Is this your priority now?
Ask yourselves these questions before asking for her hand.
We should seek to get married if we are in a position to do so. The Prophet said:
“O young men! Those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at women and preserves your chastity.’ (Bukhari.) If you are unable to get married, you should fast regularly for this will assist in controlling your sexual desires. The Prophet said: `O young men! You should marry. Whosoever cannot marry should fast, for fasting will lessen his desire’.” (Bukhari.)
You know, you can easily obtain rewards from Allah by manipulating this test to become your strength. Whenever the feeling of
“I miss her”
comes to your mind, use that to say
“Astaghfirullah”
Say it several times and make yourself busy in other things that make you remember Allah. Why? Because we do not know if we entertain this feeling, it would lead to zina!
We should strive to control all the parts of our body not just our genitals from zina or fornication. The Prophet said:
“Every son of Adam has his share of fornication. The eyes fornicate and do so by looking. The hands fornicate and do so by touching. The feet fornicate and do so by walking [to an immoral act or place]. The mouth fornicates and does so by kissing. And the heart forms thoughts and wishes which the genitals confirm or deny.
(Bukhari and Muslim.)Thus the Prophet used to make dua continuously:
`I seek refuge in Thee from the evil which may be in my ears, my eyes, my heart and my semen’. “ (Abu Dawud)
Allah has revealed in the Quran:
“Do not come near zina for it is foulness and an evil way.” [al-Isra 17: 32]
Allah did not say “do not make zina” but Allah said “Do not come near zina”, meaning that don’t even wish to make zina!
Islam has given the methods to make sure there’s no greater love that the love for Allah Himself. So is it the right way to show our affection through routes that take us to zina? Like sending SMS even when we have no urgency to do so or talking on the phone without any important topic to discuss or dating alongside devils.
Conclusion: Proof of love
Do you want a marriage built from pillars of zina?
Do you think you will attain barakah from a marriage of zina?
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